Getting Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable
I think oftentimes we resort to comfort. What I mean is that we often go back to the same foods, places, people, and even random things that bring us comfort (for me, it's my balankies). I don't think there is anything wrong with that. There is a reason we have a favorite meal, a favorite place, or a person we call when we've had a bad day. But something we don't talk about enough is how hard and challenging it can be to do something we aren't comfortable with, and how easy it is to let that discomfort stop us from trying something new.
For me personally, I think I always resort to the same few people who bring me comfort. I don't think that is a bad thing at all. I actually think having people who make you feel safe and understood is one of the best things you can have. But I do think it can become a bad thing when that comfort stops us from giving others a chance.
People don't bring us comfort right away. We have to get to know them before there is even a possibility of them becoming someone we feel comfortable around.
When I first got to college, I was terrified (and I would argue most people have probably felt the same way at some point). I resorted to my best friends from home because they were comfortable. They already knew everything about me. I didn't have to introduce myself, worry about what they thought of me, or go through the awkward stage of getting to know someone and saying, Hi! I’m Zara, what's your name? And how are you?. Instead of putting myself out there and making new relationships, there were MANY times when I would hide on FaceTime with the people I already knew.
But eventually I realized that if I wanted to enjoy college, I needed friends and people at college.
And I think that's when I realized something important: almost everyone who brings us comfort now was once someone we didn't know, even our best friends.
Some of the people I now feel completely comfortable around at college were once strangers. At one point, talking to them required me to put myself out there. I had to say yes to plans when staying in sounded way easier. I had to pretend I liked certain types of food to go to dinner with them, and I had to start conversations without knowing where they would go. I had to let people get to know me before I knew whether they would become important to me.
That doesn't mean I stopped resorting to my best friends from home. I still do, and I probably always will. Stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn't mean leaving the people and things that make you comfortable behind. I think it just means not letting them become a reason you never give anything else a chance.
And this goes beyond friendships.
Sometimes we order the same thing because we know we like it. We go to the same places because we know what to expect. We stick with the same people because we know they make us feel safe. There is nothing wrong with any of those things, but if we never allow ourselves to be uncomfortable, we also never get the chance to discover something new that we might end up loving like all the people I later met at NYU.
The funny thing about a comfort zone is that it can grow and it never has to stop growing.
Something that feels terrifying the first time might eventually become normal. A stranger can become one of your closest friends. A place you've never been can become somewhere that feels like home. But none of that can happen without that first uncomfortable step.
I don't think the goal should be to stop seeking comfort. I think the goal is to learn when comfort is helping us and when it might be holding us back.
Keep calling your best friend (trust me, I will). Keep going to your favorite place. Keep doing the little things that make you feel safe.
Just don't forget to occasionally give yourself the chance to find new ones. Because the relationships I now have built at NYU are also my comfort.
-Zara Lateef, Founder
